It's pretty obvious that the situations and problems faced are different for guys and girls. So we thought it would make sense to divide this section for boys and girls. :-)
To all the guys out there, I understand exactly how you feel. Being a teenager, getting a girlfriend is part of the whole package. But being naive, we often find ourselves heart broken and mistreated. I'm not trying to say that all girls are bad, in fact some of my best friends are girls. However, after having had gone through the teenage phase and making mistakes and learning from them, I thought it would be great to share with you. Maybe it will help you? Or perhaps it will stimulate new thoughts?
1. Understand You Are A Teenager With Raging Hormones
Being in medical school, I have learned that hormones have a huge effect on the way us boys behave towards the opposite sex. We are just attracted to them and we don't think clearly when we do so. I mean almost every girl you see that is wearing a bit revealing would be considered as "HOT". I guess this advice is really hard to follow because to a certain extent you can't help yourselves. Been there done that. But i suppose the more aware you are of this, the better off you will be able to remind yourselves the next time you think that dashing girl who just walked passed you is a girl you want to chase after. I suppose "think with your mind and act with your heart" fits this situation. :)
2. Don't Let Her Take Advantage of You
This is important! Don't allow yourselves to be taken advantage of, there is a fine line between doing something sweet for the girl you like and just being plain stupid for doing too much for her. For examples, treating her from time to time or on special occasions is completely normal. But not ALL THE TIME, after all it's not your money that you are spending - it's your parents. Remember that the next time you decide to throw all your money out there for your girlfriend. And besides, you don't want her to become dependent on you or like you for the wrong reasons right? Be smart!
3. Don't Judge a Book by its Cover
More often than not, growing up we are always trying to get a girlfriend that we can show off to the guys. A beautiful girl is just the thing to make all the guys envious of you. Right? Well, please don't be so vain! We are all vain to a certain extent, but let's not let it control us yeah? Remember that some of the best treasures are the ones in the oldest, ugliest treasure chest. Don't just get with a girl for her looks, sure we are visual creatures but will she ever be able to fulfill you mentally? Just give that a ponder. Don't limit yourselves, sometimes its the average looking girl who has the best heart inside and I guess wouldn't that be worth all the looks in the world? Remember:
"looks attract you to a girl, but its the personality that KEEPS you attracted to her"
1. Importance of not rushing into relationships
Rushing into a relationship is like a pilot steering a plane without looking at the weather forecast beforehand. People are complex beings and we can never be certain about their true nature until we have interacted long enough with them. There are all sorts of guys out there with personalities that are simply unknown. Thinking it through will spare the heartache and going through the process of emotional detachment. Well you may ask how long should we test the waters? I think there will never be a point where we can be 100% certain but it is possible to roughly gauge by:
-looking at how he treats his friends or family( that’s most probably how he’ll treat you eventually)
-Knowing his family( they probably share the same traits)
-having constant open communication with each other
-Ask your closest friends about their opinions about him (love is blind in many ways)
-Knowing whether you share the same values as each other
-Most importantly is to know each other’s intentions of having the relationship.
2. How to not fall for the wrong guys for the wrong reasons
Wow, the wrong guys will appear whether we like it or not…then again it boils down to your intentions/ reasons why you fell for the guy in the first place. I would think there are 3 reasons we should avoid :
- He’s the guy with the looks- and you’ll probably notice some other friend of yours admiring him too. I’m not saying that good looking= rotten personality but if physical looks is the only attraction I don’t see much future there.
- He can offer wealth and prestige - There’s a tendency that he’ll appreciate you less than your worth.
- He’s always there for you - getting into a relationship just for the sake of having the sense of security isn’t fair.
Appreciate those who are around you and be open minded towards meeting people, eventually the right one will roll alongJ The peer pressure of having a partner might kick in but the right one is always worth the wait.
3. How to avoid obvious "techniques" guys use to pick up girls.
Well I don’t think you can directly reject or give a cold shoulder to those who you think are trying to “show the moves”, take it in a humble way as a form of flattery. However there are the extreme cases where your stand must be made clear that you have no interest in them- maybe through a trustworthy common guy friend , through a text message or even directly upfront( politely of course), whatever you’re comfortable with. A guy’s feelings are not something to be toyed with, sometimes it’s like playing with fire, you never really have full control over it, hence it is important to make your stand clear. Sometimes certain guys like to flatter girls just to past time, if they seem like a sincere person just let them be and you may find a friendship in the making.